Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Yeah, I'm fat. Suck it.

Okay, so we all hear that when you get older your metabolism slows down and it's easier to lose weight. So, we're supposed to eat less and exercise more. HA! How in the hell is this possible?!? Throw a teenager in the mix and forget it! Like I want to exercise after arguing through text messages all day long, just to come home and argue about the same damn thing. My afternoon drive is usually filled with dread. I just want to get home and have peace. Oh, yeah, so we're supposed to get eight hours of sleep every night too - who lives in this LaLa land?!? My ass gets six if I'm lucky! So, we have the perfect storm - no sleep + stressed = physically and mentally exhausted = fat ass. You want me to exercise? Pft! And thank you for wine (no, really!). That doesn't help my chub at all. Have a glass of wine or two and suddenly those Costco quesadillas in the freezer sound pretty tasty, but heck,
melt another slice of cheese on top! Waking up the morning after a bottle of wine and a quesadilla (or two) just perpetuates the downward spiral.

So, to all of you out there who are judging me because I've put on a few L.B.'s - kiss my fat ass! You don't have to be so obvious about it! I get it! My pants are too tight! I don't need a reminder from you. I may be getting fluffy as I age, but I'm not wrinkly! Being surrounded by naturally slender parents my own age or older can be a downer...

As I write this and ponder the amount of my desk chair that I can't see anymore because I fill it up, I'm gnawing on a bowl of partially steamed broccoli with spray butter. How many 'spray's' do you actually get? By the time I'm done spraying I may have well taken the top off and poured it in!

I love food, but unfortunately, it loves me too and stays by my side... and my front... and my back... I know I'm not the only one, but people - have empathy, don't say anything - we know it. Now move your skinny ass so I can get a slice of Costco Double Fudge Chocolate Cake!

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