Friday, February 22, 2013

Toiletgate 2013

Some things are just too easy to poke fun at, even if it pisses off the victim. Let me preface this by just saying, the victim in this story is just that - someone who LOVES to be the victim. I'm not being hateful, just honest! Gotta have one in every bunch, right?

So, there are these three bathrooms that are overly used at work. Yes, they are the only three bathrooms, but it seems that we have an office full of people who have chronic Montezuma's Revenge because people are always dropping a deuce. There are more times you have to hold your breath walking down the hall than not.

"Toiletgate 2013"! 

(Cue Jim Cantore with his blue windbreaker and the overly dramatic music)
3:15pm - What's that knocking?
3:17pm - Oh, someone is knocking from INSIDE one of the bathrooms... they're dumb.
3:18pm - Okay, someone is literally LOCKED inside the bathroom.
3:19pm - I know who it is!
3:20pm - Haha, she was going to leave early... again (those of you who know this situation... well... the term 'salary employee' is used loosely here.)
3:25pm - Now we have the majority of the office staff standing around the bathroom door trying to decide what to do.
3:26pm - Someone yells "Someone call a locksmith"... everyone stands around with blank stares on their faces... 
3:28pm - An employee, who is obviously sucking up and not grasping the humor of "Toiletgate 2013", frantically looks for a phone book. Who in the hell still uses a phone book?
3:29pm - Karma. The first locksmith that is called won't be back until February 25th!
3:30pm - The excitement of the event has subsided and everyone is making their way back to their prospective cubicles.
3:32pm - I start chronicling the event on Facebook - classic bitch move.
3:35pm - Wow, it's only been 20 minutes and the victim is starting to panic. Really? Because she wanted to leave early so bad? That's the perfect room to be locked in - although I was silently wishing the light switch was on the outside of the bathroom to really mess with her.
3:40pm - Sorry folks, all of the screw drivers on the planet aren't going to work. The door knob is flat out broken. Sorry lady! You're gonna have to wait... hope you don't have to pee... oh wait, that's okay.

3:42pm - 4:15pm - I got bored.
4:20pm - Come on folks, I have to leave at 4:45pm, I have to catch a shot of her as she comes out.
4:25pm - A handyman with ADD shows up to open the door with a myriad of tools. At this point, bubble gum and paperclips will come in handy to blow the door off.

4:30pm - I'm starting to panic now, I must get a picture... hurry up!
4:40pm - She's out! And I have five minutes to spare!

Well, it's a good thing she took her phone to the bathroom with her... at work. A little alone time with a game of solitaire or two?

Every time I personally come out of the bathroom now, I feel like yelling "Yes! I am victorious!" just because the bathroom didn't try to eat me.

So, "Toiletgate 2013" was unclogged, but like every breaking news story, it quickly fizzles and focuses on some other ridiculous mind numbing story. What's going on with Lady Gaga these days?

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