Thursday, January 24, 2013

Burps, Farts & Boogers

Ugh. Have you ever eaten so much that your stomach starts to rebel? Like, you have air coming out of every orifice because there’s no where left in your body for it to go. It is not attractive for anyone, especially a female! To be burping and farting in sheer agony because your fat ass can’t put the fork down! I’m hating myself right now. Did I really have to get a second helping of spaghetti and meatballs? Really? It just makes me think of that scene in “Bridesmaids” where all of the girls are in the dress shop and they all get hit with Montazuma’s Revenge? Maybe staying up all hours of the night watching movies doesn’t help the ole’ bowels either… especially when you have to drag yourself out of bed before the sun comes up! Gotta love kids, the crap we do for them! So, with the burping and farting subsiding, a lovely cold might be settling in. Seems like everywhere you go, you’re in the middle of some phlegm factory! Little kids, big kids, grown adults, senior citizens, dogs, cats… okay, maybe not so much the dogs and cats. Regardless, I’ll be consuming mass quantities of NyQuil tonight! The inventor of NyQuil is (or was) one awesome dude… or dudette.
 Now they have a new thing called ZQuil! It’s NyQuil without the other crap, it just puts you to sleep! Yes, Teenstruction, you may have two ZQuils… at 7pm!!! Woo Hoo! You might see me on the podium accepting my “Mother of the Year” award in the near future, I know. Sometimes ya just gotta do what you gotta do. Time to gather booger supplies – Peace Out Alligator!

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